living a life based on "shoulds"

most of my adult life has been based on shoulds...i should do this because it's expected of me; because it's the right thing to do; because so-and-so's kids do xyz; because i'll feel guilty if i don't; and most importantly, what will other people think of me if i don't.

on the rare occasions i've based decisions on what i wanted to do they've not always had the best outcome. perhaps it's because i've rarely let my intuition guide my decisions that when i did actually let it, it fell over in shock and had no idea what was going on.

time, trial and error, constant reminders of "to thine own self be true," learning to listen to the quiet voice in my head that always seems to have an answer, realising that no one person knows everything, recognising and accepting that everyone has a different perspective on things, realising there is no "right" way to do something, and coming to accept that we all have a different story written for each of us...it's helping me to live a life that is ruled less by shoulds and more by questioning "what's best for me?"

i've learnt that my needs and interests are important. not to the point of being self-absorbed but they deserve to be part of the overall list of things to be considered during the decision-making process.

and i've also learnt that some of my decisions will not sit well with everyone...that cliche of "you can't please everyone" is quite true, as most cliche's are.

i've learnt to be ok with the fact that not everyone agrees with my choices. course this isn't to say that i don't still want approval on my choices. i'm learning to not have any expectations of approval.

someone once said to me, let go of all the expectations you have of others, the way you think they should be and you'll let go of the expectations you have of yourself.

this isn't to say that i don't do things based on "should" anymore.

i do.

but now not everything in my life is a should.