parenting from a non-parent's perspective.

Growing up in a post-colonial developing country that was born and raised on British sensibilities, children followed the "seen but not heard" philosophy, corporal punishment was entirelyacceptable, and sassing/back-talking your parents was not something you wanted to do.

Moving to North America in my mid-teenage years was a bit of an eye-opener. Children here seemed to call the shots - you can call Children's Aid on your parents at the drop of a hat, warrented or unwarrented; spanking your child was almost illegal; children's opinions were given as much weight as that of an adult; and everything seemed to be about entertaining the kids.

Suddenly I resented the fact that I hadn't grown up here and I resented even more the fact that my parents weren't as cool as the parents over here - the ones who listened to their children's opinions, told them how special they were at everything they did and praised them at the drop of a hat, and basically jumped when the kids asked how high.

Fast foward twenty years. My friends are having babies, I'm contemplating it myself and I wonder "What kind of parent would I like to be?" Now, suddenly, my parent's "oppressive rule" doesn't seem so oppressive, especially as I watch the over-indulged, unaware, and unappreciative children of the next generation.

For this non-parent I think children should not be empowered to think they're adults; I'm not saying that we shouldn't raise our children to think and be critical and analytical in their thought but they need to be made aware that their opinions will be given as much weight as their age warrents. The reality is, their experience is limited and they don't know everything, even though they might think otherwise. We need to teach our children that "cute only goes so far" and as entertaining and charming as they might be, it's not enough to get them through life. Teach our children to understand that every choice they make results in a different outcome and if the resultant outcome is not to their liking, it's no one's fault other than their own - taking responsibility for their choices is critical in the development of an adult that doesn't blame other people for their life. Sometimes you have to do crappy stuff - life is not all about having fun, about being entertained or stimulated or constantly doing something - fun as that might be, life is also about chores, learning to play by yourself without the help of video games or television. And if you can find pleasure in the most mundane of things then you are miles ahead of most.

Am I speaking here theoretically?

Yes.

But I'm seeing first hand what happens when:
- children are not exposed to a cohesive parental unit
- chidren are made to belive they're adults
- children are given more power than they know how to handle and process
- children think it's their right to question everything adults say to them because a. they don't like what said adult is saying and b. they think they know everything
- children have no respect for the adults in their life

It's not a pretty picture.

Children need rules and structure and boundaries; they need their parents to be parents rather than parents who try to be their friends; most of all they need room to grow into the adults they'll become rather than being forced into adulthood early.

Thoughts from a non-parent.