life decisions

Five days ago I found out my nephew's best friend died. At first it was thought to be a suicide but now they think it might be a homicide. No one's quite sure what happened yet.

He was 21 years old.

The funeral was on Friday. The church was filled with his friends and their parents, relatives, neighbours. The reality was the kid had a lot of issues; he'd tried to commit suicide before and he had a bit of an obsession with death. But whatever was going on with him, he didn't feel comfortable enough to discuss it with his parents and in some cases with his friends.

My sister stood up in church and told this story: I was going to the well to get some water and I noticed a little green frog trying desperately to get out of the well. I guess he'd fallen in and gotten stuck. In my haste to get my bucket of water I knocked him all the way down that he'd struggled to climb so I put my pail down, grabbed a stray tree branch and put it down the well. The frog got a firm hold on the stick and I pulled him out.

She continued by addressing specifically the young adults in the church: When you were born, you didn't come with instruction books...we all muddled through it and did the best we could. I know you all think your parents are idiots and they just don't get what you're going through or what you have to deal with but please try to remember that we are here to help you, no matter what you've gotten into. We might not be as open-minded as you'd like us to be but we only want the best for you and we'll do whatever we can to get you that. So when we hold out a stick, grab a strong hold.

Whether it was a suicide or a homicide the fact remains that a young man, who's barely made an entry into his life, is now dead. And remaining behind are a lot of people wondering what they could've done to change the course of events.

Most of the time I belive that we can't save anyone, each individual is responsible for the consequences of their actions because every action/choice/word spoken has a consequence, a reaction; and we must all be aware of that. I believe that if we commit to being more intentional and deliberate in what we say and do, the more we are forced to think before we react to situations.

Should this kid be alive now? Yes. Did he think his actions through? Probably not. Why? Probably because at 21 years old, like most young adults, he thought he was invincible and death couldn't happen to him; probably because he'd gotten into situations before and he'd managed to get out of them. Only this time he didn't. And it sucks - for him and for the family and friends he left behind.

There's a book called Friendship with God; given to me as a gift it has been read and re-read numerous times. A thought from this book that seems relevant now is this: There is no time that is not "decision-making time." You are always making decision, all the time. To change behaviours that are ingrained or habitual ask yourself, before each decision you make, "Is this Who I am?" Do not be who you thought you were, be who you wish you were.

I wonder if he knew who he wished he was.