faith

i tend to live my life looking for guarantees, i like routine, and i guess it comes down to one simple fact...control. i like being in control. and for the most part, i am, except for those things where i'm not. and i'm faced with a situation where i'm completely not in control, there's nothing i can do to speed things up or find out the status or anything...i just have to wait.

i hate waiting.

yet if i believe that everything is as it should be, that everything is happening perfectly, and that my best interests are what the universe is looking out for, then i've nothing to worry about.

i bemoaned the situation to a dear friend who patiently listened then said to me, "let go and let god. this really is a time to see just how faith filled you are." she chuckled as she said it, though not in malice because she knows how much of a control freak i can be.

and i was humbled because i like to think i am faith-filled...and i am...except for those times like today where i panic about things not happening fast enough.

there are several different definitions of faith; this is the one i like: belief that is not substantiated by proof.

i also found this quote by Edward Teller, “When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.”

and so on i go knowing that i'm taken care of.