life decisions

Five days ago I found out my nephew's best friend died. At first it was thought to be a suicide but now they think it might be a homicide. No one's quite sure what happened yet.

He was 21 years old.

The funeral was on Friday. The church was filled with his friends and their parents, relatives, neighbours. The reality was the kid had a lot of issues; he'd tried to commit suicide before and he had a bit of an obsession with death. But whatever was going on with him, he didn't feel comfortable enough to discuss it with his parents and in some cases with his friends.

My sister stood up in church and told this story: I was going to the well to get some water and I noticed a little green frog trying desperately to get out of the well. I guess he'd fallen in and gotten stuck. In my haste to get my bucket of water I knocked him all the way down that he'd struggled to climb so I put my pail down, grabbed a stray tree branch and put it down the well. The frog got a firm hold on the stick and I pulled him out.

She continued by addressing specifically the young adults in the church: When you were born, you didn't come with instruction books...we all muddled through it and did the best we could. I know you all think your parents are idiots and they just don't get what you're going through or what you have to deal with but please try to remember that we are here to help you, no matter what you've gotten into. We might not be as open-minded as you'd like us to be but we only want the best for you and we'll do whatever we can to get you that. So when we hold out a stick, grab a strong hold.

Whether it was a suicide or a homicide the fact remains that a young man, who's barely made an entry into his life, is now dead. And remaining behind are a lot of people wondering what they could've done to change the course of events.

Most of the time I belive that we can't save anyone, each individual is responsible for the consequences of their actions because every action/choice/word spoken has a consequence, a reaction; and we must all be aware of that. I believe that if we commit to being more intentional and deliberate in what we say and do, the more we are forced to think before we react to situations.

Should this kid be alive now? Yes. Did he think his actions through? Probably not. Why? Probably because at 21 years old, like most young adults, he thought he was invincible and death couldn't happen to him; probably because he'd gotten into situations before and he'd managed to get out of them. Only this time he didn't. And it sucks - for him and for the family and friends he left behind.

There's a book called Friendship with God; given to me as a gift it has been read and re-read numerous times. A thought from this book that seems relevant now is this: There is no time that is not "decision-making time." You are always making decision, all the time. To change behaviours that are ingrained or habitual ask yourself, before each decision you make, "Is this Who I am?" Do not be who you thought you were, be who you wish you were.

I wonder if he knew who he wished he was.

stop...think...do you really want to say that in an email?

i love email. it's a wonderful invention. some would even classify me as a bit of an email junkie. the first thing i do after rolling out of bed is check my email and it's the last thing i do before i go to bed.

but right now i'm a little pissed off...this is a bit of a rant about users of email.

people before you hit that little unassuming send button, stop...think about what you've written...is there anything in your email that could be misconstrued? would you speak to someone in the manner you've written your email? and is that really what you want to say?
does anyone stop and think about the fact that an email is a paper trail...do you really want to have a paper trail with that in it? email is not private, if you work for an organisation it's monitored; if you're using a web-based email it's still monitored...less closely but monitored in some way, shape or form. so why then do we continue to treat email in such a casual, off hand manner?

increasingly i'm finding that people are writing stuff in emails that they'd never ever dream of saying to someone in person because quite frankly, it'd be rude and in some cases, unprofessional. and what i'm also realising is that there are a lot of passive aggressive people out there...they tend to be the ones that are guilty of doing this.

just because the person isn't standing in front of you doesn't give you the license to speak in whichever manner you choose to...pretend it's a face to face conversation and treat the person the same way you'd treat them if they were standing in front of you. and if you can't say something to someone in person then don't say it in email either.

stop...think...do you really want to say that in an email?